I am so sorry to hear this. This may sound a little cliche, but with everything going on around you try to love you again. Right now it’s not about him, it’s all about you. Adding more stress to your life is the last thing you need to be doing. You said you feel so lost. There are things that are out of your control, accept that and control that which you can. Sit in silence, still, your mind starts with 5 minutes a day and work your way up the answers will come just listen to the silence and love yourself. right now your mind is working overtime, slow it down a little and then you will be able to think more clearly. Everything starts with you.