Giving up
June 21, 2018 at 10:50 pm
I am 42 years old. Having spent 15 years of my life in a terrible marriage, i want to just give away and get separated from my husband. I had realized this that we can not get along just after couple of months of marriage yet considering divorce a social taboo I hold on to it. Now that my frustration and depression is reaching its height, I want divorce and live another 15 years of my life happily with a person who makes me feel complete and content. I am yet to find that person. Only question is whether i take divorce and find that person or stat with my husband until i meet that person. I have two sons that is the only reason that had been keeping me in this marriage.
Reply
i feel you! I’m 41 and have been married for 17 years. My husband has recently decided he wants out for petty reasons. NO one understamda his reasons. Our marriage has never been perfect but I’ve been fighting for him to stay since he told me. Why? part of me doesn’t know. We’ve had issues through the years but nothing monumental just irritating. What i can’t decide is do i continue to fight or give in to the divorce i don’t want but i do want happiness. I want to find someone who will give me everything he hasn’t.
What do we do?
I’ve been married for 23 years, 2nd wife to my husband. First wife left because of the parents and how they treated her. I knew within 6 months that he wasn’t the right choice but being East Indian decided that I will stick it out. Have one child – 16 years of age. His parents moved in about 15 years ago and it went downhill from there. Mother is very controlling – would make him his breakfast. When I would leave for work – the mother would complain about me constantly and brainwash my husband. His dad would go with my husband to all the businesses. I would never get any alone time with my husband even on weekends. They would be around all the time. Even if we ate together, one of them would be in the kitchen to listen to our conversations I work full time but would be expected to have food on the table by 5:00 p.m. so all three could go to mosque. I would be up at 4:00 a.m. cooking – cleaning up, taking my child to school and then going to work full-time. Am expected to buy groceries, cook, clean, do the laundry. His parents are both able-bodied but would not help out. He wouldn’t either because his mom would tell him not to. My husband is very involved in our community, in fact he resolves marital disputes. When my son was growing up I would be expected to take him to his extra-curricular activities because my husband was so busy being a “big shot” in our community. Once he left the poor kid at the skating ring because he had to attend a political event.
His parents would pick fights with me in-front of my husband and he would side with them saying that “it’s all my fault”. My poor kid has witnessed so much. It’s emotionally traumatizing to live with him and his parents. The police came twice to the house and both times I protected my husband. Now he has a lot of money but I still work full-time. I found out he’s having an emotional affair with another board member who is a family lawyer. I’ve asked him a number of times to sit with me and talk to me about what he wants to do but he ignores all my messages, avoids talking to me. I don’t have much money to move out. I’m so scared – because I’ve invested 23 years of my life into this horrible marriage. His parents are getting on in age. I go home during my lunch hours to make sure they have food and to do household chores so I have enough time to cook and clean and look after my kid. They have given us no space in our marriage. On vacations they would come with us. If I tried to talk to my husband about his parents I was told “if you don’t have anything nice to say” then don’t say it. He would not listen to anything or try and help to resolve any issues. He is a volunteer, but he doesn’t even know which courses our son is taking nor has he taught our son anything – even riding a bike. He would get mad at me if I picked up my son during bad weather from school. I honestly don’t want to go a lawyer because they cost so much money. I’ve told him I want to move, but he won’t help.
It’s so sad because in our he has a jekyl and hyde personality. He is very giving outside but to me and our son he is very mean and controlling. He refuses to go for counselling. My son and me want to move out but he won’t help me. Any advice?