Uncertain about my feelings for divorce really dont want one
January 4, 2016 at 6:07 pm
Hi there im new to this site. I have been separated for 2 1/2 yrs now from a ex- husband who cheated on me in my 30 yr marriage. I was raised in a split and abusive household and i am old school i feel once your marriage you stay married you work throw your problems. It come to a head and after a year of lawyer fees and fighting in court for spousal support it was finalized in August 2015. my ex uses this money over my head im not working right now and depend on it but plays games with me. He wants nothing to do with me but keeps me dangling like a puppet. He has told me he is filing for divorce i can agree and make it easy or wait the 3 years and he can get it without my approval. When ever he is involve with another female he talks ablout divorce and than when he is not with someone he manages to con me. I fall for it because i still loved him! A few months ago i finally felt enough is enough of this treatment he keeps doing to me the feeling of being used. So i have told him if he agrees to file for divorce on adultery from day 1 of my marriage i will sign off. Really not sure how im feeling i was confused and hurt when he left for another female and im feeling a little bit of that emotions knowing he is now talking divorce and im sure i will receive the paperwork. Any thoughts other than ishould have kicked him to the curb years ago 🙂 because i know this. Has anyone had mixed feelings about having the other party filing divorce? How did you or have you handled the feelings that come with being presented divorce papers and knowing your marriage is over.
Thanks for reading
Reply
Hi Jeannie, I am one of the therapists on this site and have also gone through my own divorce. I think it is normal for you to have mixed emotions about everything. The divorce process is never easy. During this time it becomes important to wade through the negative feelings that come up and start to create the life you actually want. It is important to start sitting down with yourself and ask yourself what is best for you. Does waiting the three years leave you with hope, hoping the final divorce will never happen or does it allow you to move on? All of the emotions can be challenging to get through and it is difficult to start thinking about life differently…about life for you.
This is a blog post I wrote about healing after a separation/divorce. http://www.jessicaehrenworth.com/how-to-heal-after-divorce/
If there is anything I can help you with, please let me know. You will get through. That I know for sure. I have watched my clients go from despair to strength from healing to happiness.