October 21, 2020 at 7:09 pm

I’m in my late 50s as is my wife of several decades. We enjoy our lives in many ways. We’re successful and financially secure. We’re good parents with wonderful offspring. We’ve not been on the same page for a while. Recently my wife told me, sincerely, that she has done what she is able and does not want to feel like a failure in the marriage because we are not on the same page any longer. For my part, I was as honest as I could be about why sex was important to me and why I felt awful with limited sex. Essentially, the ball is in my court. She said she understood if I wanted a divorce, understood if I wanted an open marriage, and if I needed it to be clear that I had permission for sex, we could separate. Apart from the current circumstances, she does not want me to be bitter, etc. 3 decades from now about what I might have had. She thinks I’m young enough and attractive enough to build a different life with someone else. I don’t want a divorce. She doesn’t want a divorce. I don’t want her to feel that she is a failure, and I certainly don’t want to be the one to make her feel that way. Yet, I do want a different sex life. I take her at her word that she has done what she is able. I am trying to have no expectations that things will magically change or that she will change her mind about that. From what I can see, I don’t think that a married guy who is not looking to be single is of much interest to women (even if he has “permission” and independence). I do not know what a monogamous, extra-marital relationship would look like or what that would be like. Just looking for what others think about this situation as I have not known anyone else in these kinds of circumstances.