How do I help my kids through my divorce?
November 4, 2015 at 3:46 pm
I have two daughters aged 15 and 17. The 17 year old seems to be coping with our split but my 15 year old is having a really tough time. She recently found herself a boyfriend who she gets high with all the time. I have tried grounding her, I have taken her phone away but nothing seems to work. I have made appointments with a therapist who deals with teens but she refuses to go. Not sure what to do.
Reply
It may be a good idea to go and see a therapist yourself. Sometimes by changing what we are doing, it also shifts things for the children. Unfortunately you can’t force her to get help if she doesn’t want to but you can be there to support her as much as you can and leave the door open for conversation.
I have helped parents work through these issues and often find that when you tweak your behaviour the people around you start to change theirs.
The decision to divorce can be frustrating and painful. This decision will have a lasting impact on yourself, your spouse, and especially on your children for years to come. Also, it has been observed that most kids suffer for a short time after a marriage ends but what worsens and extends their stress and anxiety is when they feel torn between two parents. So, you need to prepare your kids for your divorce. But how? Here are some suggestions to keep in mind.
Know what your kids are thinking
During divorce, most kids keep their feelings to themselves. So, you, as a parent, should go around believing everything is OK with your child. Kids may suppress their emotions for different reasons – they don’t want to make their parents upset or they don’t know how to express themselves which makes them mentally disturbed. So, you need to talk to your children and know their desires and happiness during divorce.
Reassure your kids that the divorce is not their fault
If you want to help your kids through your marriage separation, reassure your kids that the divorce is not their fault. Kids tend to be egocentric and believe that their behavior causes bad events. You need to tell your kids that you and your partners have made this decision based on your relationship and it has nothing to do with them.
Get in touch with an expert family law lawyer
If you work with a parenting expert or family lawyer who has experience with divorce and can give you guidance on how to handle difficult situations that arise. Your children can get a great deal from talking to an expert lawyer on their own. Sometimes, your kids don’t express their feelings as they believe their thoughts will hurt their parents.
Undoubtedly, a divorce is hard on everyone in the picture. But, if your kids continue to feel loved by you and your partner, if you want to create a stable calm environment for your children, follow the above-mentioned three tips to help your kids through your divorce.
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