Admittedly when I first realized I was about to get divorced it was all I could think or talk about.
Having been blindsided by my husband’s desire to leave and the speed in which he left, I was left scrambling to pick up the pieces. Emotionally scared and confused by his yearning to jump ship, I was overwhelmed by the need to sort through my next steps.
So I solicited my network.
Mom, dad, siblings and close friends – you were not spared a detail of the shock or the frustration and you were each there to help me move forward and make a plan. Thankful and grateful for this incredible network I relied heavily on all of you!
So I talked and talked and then I talked some more. And then I wouldn’t shut up about my divorce!
Yes – I noticed the yawns and the slight exasperation at the circling conversations but I kept on going because I knew my group to be fiercely loyal. They did not disappoint - they listened and strategized and stuck by me through it all.
And now that some time has passed I have been asked what I need and want most from friends and family. So at this moment in time I list my top four requests…
- Check in – Ask me first if I want to talk about my Divorce. If I look worn down or if we are talking about it for too long tell me to shut up and move the topic along – hold that mirror up because it can be all consuming! Please don’t let me become one of those women who rants at nauseam. Help me see there is more to life than this topic of discussion!
- Normalize – Help me get back out there so that I feel a little more normal. Even though my world is falling apart and so different than I thought it would be, please push me off that couch and into the real world. I lost a partner and it hurts no doubt – but lucky for me I am not sick. I am alive and healthy – there is still a life to be grateful for so kick me in the shins if I complain too much!
- Talk about yourselves – I feel like I am so self absorbed right now – let’s bring the conversation back to you and your life – let me also be a good friend/ daughter/ person!
- Connect with my new tribe – Um no not yet, I don’t want to commiserate. I want to move forward and be surrounded by positive inspiring people. What happened to me sucks but I don’t need more negativity – I need to move along into a positive zone!
So that’s where I am at now… maybe next month I will feel differently but right now I want to go forward….
Anne, 46
Barrie Ontario
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