This is my situation too. Almost 14 year old son. Divorced since he was a baby. His Dad moved a 10 hour drive to another state 3 years ago, and despite promising to move back twice, changed his mind. He has recently moved into a new girlfriend’s house. I feel like 13 is a difficult age for boys and they do need their Dad’s more, but the bullying, verbally and in emails I’ve had – for the last 14 years made motherhood hard to deal with, and now he’s convinced our son his “life will be more amazing” at his house.
It’s so hard, especially since I have had to deal with domestic violence, I am really only feeling stronger now the last few years and increased self esteem. I got taken to a private mediation and all I have to say is that the system (in Australia) is messed up. No consideration for child’s best interests, history of domestic violence, Father moving 4 x in 3 years.
To save my relationship with my son I agreed to let him go and now he is being so much more loving with me. He is leaving in 3 months. No matter what my ex does I know he cannot break the bond, and I think my son really needs to know who is Dad is…. the good and the bad. And I know I’ve instilled enough morals, virtues and values in him for him to have a good compass inside him.
I’ll pray for him everyday, Glad I found this page. Am seeing a psychologist already and getting support and a plan on how I will cope and fill my time when I’m alone. Wish all you Mother’s peace and happiness.
Like another lady said on this feed, my advice to my younger self would have been = do more for yourself, put yourself first, do more study when the child was younger.
Torn
I have twin boys, who just turned 12. Their father, my husband, is manipulative, abusive, and an alcoholic. We have been separated for almost a year and a half. I go back and forth all the time, about if they should live full time with their dad, and I can be the Disney mom! The reason I say this, is because they behave exactly the same way he does. They threaten me almost every day, and say terrible things to me, and each other. Their dad blames me for their behavior, but as I said, they behave exactly like he does. He has told them since they were little, that I don’t love them as much as……. fill in the blank with anything and everything. He told them that everything else was more important to me, than they are, even though I have quit every job I have had, to stay home with them. They take me for granted. All 3 of them. The problem is, if I send them to live with him, I feel like there will be two more ruined people walking around this planet. Or maybe not. Maybe it’s for the best. I am having a tough time figuring it out. I’m sorry I didn’t really have an answer for you. I hope you find peace in whatever decision you make.