My husband and I were together for 30 years. We met in college and married soon after graduation. We have 2 fabulous kids that are now in their 20’s. Our marriage was never great – but it worked for us. We each had our own lives and careers which kept us both busy and occupied and when we were home the kids had our full attention.
Once the kids went to college it was apparent to both of us that we were both unhappy and should really move on. To be honest, I was the one pushing for the separation. I felt that I shouldn’t settle for just okay and that if we were going to move on now was the time. I imagined myself dating and happy and finding that spark with someone else.
Well was I naive. I had no idea how hard it was for a woman in her 50’s to re-enter the dating world after her divorce. In my mind, I was smart, pretty and had so much to offer. I didn’t think it would be difficult at all. But it is…. For women over 50 it is a tough ride. I remember a divorced friend had said to me “I struggle with not wanting to be a nurse or anyone’s purse”. I really didn’t understand what she meant until I entered the dating world. Men were either too old and looking for someone to take care of them (no thanks) or too young and looking for someone to take care of them (again no thank I have kids).
However for my ex – well he didn’t seem to have any issues. Women were flocking to him like he was a hot commodity. And I guess he was — he had hair, he was in shape, and he had money. This my friends was the perfect trifecta! Women in their 30’s, 40’s, 50’s and even 60’s pursued him. And by pursued him I mean sent him nudies, crazy texts all hours and were very aggressive. As we ended amicably – we often shared our dating stories. It was shocking to me how many women in their 30’s were interested in a man in his late 50’s. Daddy issues? Money issues? I found it incredibly disturbing.
For my ex, well he found it fun in the beginning. I get it – sex after a 30 year marriage is incredible because it is new. Especially with a 30 year old. But over time that gets old as well. My ex said that it was weird – the age gap would always come into play.
My ex finally settled down with a nice woman in her late 40’s. They seem happy and compatible and I am glad that he found someone special. For me, I too have found someone. He is actually my age (58) and we are so happy. It took me a long time to find him. I went out on more dates than I care to remember with men that I knew I would never be with. BUT… I believe that you have to put yourself out there and go out with a ton of different people and not prejudge. You just never know who you will click with.
Louisa, 58
