Polar Extremes

I’m finally coming to terms with my husband walking out on me.

It’s been an endless battle of working through angst, depression, humiliation and disappointment. This past week my therapist suggested I write about my feelings for some catharsis and an opportunity to further come to terms with my situation.

I always believed myself to be a strong, smart and capable woman but I was not prepared for the sudden departure of my ex husband. We dated for over 8 years nonetheless he left after only two years of marriage. I don’t think I will ever fully understand why he left the way he did… and I’m not even sure I will ever get over the pain but I sure as hell am determined to move forward.

And lately, I feel I have rounded the corner – ready to move past and onward.

We were working on getting pregnant when I left for a brief business trip to Chicago – that was two days before he walked out.  I don’t use words like “walked out” or “left” loosely – like other divorced people – I mean he literally packed up his stuff and without a word took off in the middle of the night – no conversation, no attempt at therapy, not even a phone call to explain.

I will always remember the sick feeling of looking at half empty cupboards, furniture gone missing and that ripped sheet of paper “It’s not working – I’m sorry”….

It still makes me cringe and want to hurl dishes across the room!

I spent three weeks looking for him and finally tracked him down in New York.

He had taken on a new job … as well as a new woman.

And so he was gone.

And I was left to recreate my world.

Get over my runaway husband – move through the pain.

Only one hitch – I was pregnant!

I was stunned and embarrassed by our situation. I could not deal with the dismay and upheaval of divorce during the delight of pregnancy. It just seemed wrong on so many levels.

Our divorce was very difficult. We didn’t have a lot of assets to split but our parenting plan was complicated with him living in a different city, engaged to someone else and wanting to share custody with me.

Five years later, I have a beautiful son that I raise primarily as a single woman. Divorce was tough but raising a small child on my own was even tougher. Battling my ex made me stronger that I ever thought I could be. But I have come out the other side as a more capable and open person.

Last week marked a new milestone for me. I reached out to a matchmaker to begin the dating process. It won’t be easy for me to trust and reconnect but I am continuously working on myself and rebuilding … and I know there will be a better beginning for my future.

Liz P