Lots of people seek out the services of a therapist/counsellor when they are at a point in their relationship when they feel it is time to move on.
Typically people come in to see me when they are at the end of their relationship rope and are seeking the services of a therapist to see if they can breathe life back into their relationship. If both or one of the members of the couple has already made the decision to end a relationship, there is little a therapist can do that the individuals are not willing to do. It takes both the therapist and the couple to engage in order to salvage a relationship. That said, it may be time to end a relationship and that is ok.
Admittedly I tried this myself many years ago. I needed someone to blame in order to recoup some of my lost self esteem.
Boy did I have some things to learn!! Out with the classroom learning and onto the education!!
What I know now is that relationships can, do and should end at times. There are some steps involved during this process that require some fleshing out.
- Admitting that all relationships have problems, and realizing that you were one of them sets the stage for healing and forgiveness of both yourself and the partner.
- We don’t necessarily have to hate the other person in order to understand it is over.
- We don’t need to allow our ego mind to respond to our former partner’s attempts at pulling us into their pain and sorrow.
- The majority (if not all but I won’t say this with that much certainty) of our reactions are hosting some type of fear. Fear I won’t be respected, fear there was something wrong with me, fear of losing the love and respect of my children, fear of looking bad when I made the choice to end this relationship, and the list goes on and on.
- Seeing a therapist helps begin the healing process. That said, make sure that it is someone with whom you feel safe and secure to allow you to be vulnerable. Asking for a quick telephone consult gives you the opportunity to get some insight into their approach. Ask questions of them.
- Lastly, forgiveness of both yourself and former partner will set a stage for later growth. Growing from past relationships allows you to understand where the past went offside, how you might chose different next time and forgiving yourself for being human just like the rest of us!!
Donna Murphy
Donna has a Masters of Social Work and is a therapist who specialists in Family Counselling in Calgary. To learn more about Donna click http://thedivorceangels.com/vendor/donna-murphy/
