I caught my husband cheating. Those words still shock me. Details are not important, however the confirmation of this affair was one of the most devastating moments of my life.
And despite the unravelling of my marriage that his affair created -- the loss of trust, the pain and the tears (oh so many) -- we also unravelled how much we loved each other and didn’t want our marriage to end.
Let me be honest, the process of recovery has been a long and extremely hard one..
The sadness, anger and mistrust can be too much to bear at times. Being left alone with your mind to imagine and envision what went on is torturous. At first, my husband had a hard time dealing with my rollercoaster of emotions. He just wanted to speed up the process – his affair was over and just wanted to get back to a happy place.
Time and therapy helps. I still have good and bad days. But the one positive thing is that my husband has learned how to talk about feelings --both good and bad - something he couldn’t do before.
My husband has taken ownership and is extremely regretful and remorseful. He looks back at this affair and can’t even understand why it happened. This was not someone he loved and wanted to spend his life with. That person was always ME.
The truth is that I will never forget the affair. However as time passes, I am beginning to learn to live with it.
I am moving past the sadness, anger and resentment and have started to let go of negative feelings. What is evolving is a more honest, and transparent relationship where we can talk about anything and everything.
Today, we are still healing – we laugh, we cry and we love - and that feels great right now.
Gayle, 44
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