Was this the beginning of an Emotional Affair? Nudies and late night texting....how it almost ended my marriage.

I was happily married. We had a great life together and a great family. I had many male friends and so it never bothered me that my husband had female friends. It was like an unwritten rule between us – as long as we both knew who were talking to and it remained appropriate than we were cool.

I distinctly remember the night my husband came home with news of running into an old girlfriend. Glued to his phone, he was texting her all night which was so out of his character but I remember thinking that it was really nice for him to connect with an old friend. I was confident enough in myself and my marriage that I was genuinely happy for him.

But things progressed (as they always do). He had stories about her life… she had just had another baby and was very tired. Her husband worked a lot. He felt bad for her that she was so overwhelmed. Every day brought a new story. I knew what her kids were doing, I knew what she did that day, there was nothing hidden or secretive. He was eager to share her stories.

One day he came home and said he was going to meet her for dinner. He wanted to make sure it was okay with me before committing which I thought was sweet and cute and spoke volumes about our relationship. I told him to go ahead and I really didn’t mind.   However when it hit midnight and he still wasn’t home, I was pissed. Trying to be “cool” about it, I patiently waited until he rolled in at 1 am.

Drunk, he told me that she was unhappy in her marriage. Her husband was never around and he felt bad for her. He also told me that her husband didn’t trust her - he was shocked by this and felt bad for her so he understood why she didn’t tell him that she was going to meet him. He fell asleep and I was up all night.

I was extremely bothered by this but didn’t want to let on to my husband. It seemed to me that a platonic friendship is fine as long as both spouses are aware. Immediately I realized that this woman had an agenda. She was looking for validation and attention and she was looking to my husband to give it to her.

The next 3 months involved a lot of communication between them – and at weird times. I remember having arguments with my husband that I didn’t think it was appropriate for her to reach out to him late at night. Once she actually called his cell phone at midnight. I was starting to get angry -- this was our time together and I found it intrusive.

He told me I was being crazy. That she needed a friend and he was going to be there for her. I knew I wasn’t crazy. I kept asking my husband one question “does her husband know she’s constantly texting you”? If he does then I am totally fine with it. We both knew the answer and that her husband had no idea but the ongoing communication continued.

I became furious. Here was a woman who was having difficulty in her marriage and was now causing problems in mine. My husband was so unconscious that he couldn’t see it. Let’s be honest. He liked the attention. We had been married for over 20 years and he kept telling me that I was being ridiculous. She needed a “friend” who she could confide in and he was the only one she trusted.

I sucked it up and sucked it up and then one night my husband fell asleep while texting her. I picked up his phone off his chest with every intention of putting it on the table when I looked down and saw he was in mid conversation with her. Always respecting his privacy, I would never look at his phone. But here it was in front of me and I took it as a sign.

I started to read the conversation and began scrolling to the start. Imagine my surprise when I saw photos sent of her lying on her bed in nothing but her underwear. Shocked I continued to read… apparently she had got her boobs done after her last pregnancy and wanted to know if he liked them. My jaw dropped. I couldn’t believe what I was seeing!

To my husband’s defense, he really wasn’t engaging her when she became inappropriate. She was clearly looking to take this relationship to another level. I read her texts and did see how he was trying to bring it back to harmless safe banter. But she clearly wanted no such thing.

I woke my husband up and told him I saw the photos. We had a massive argument as he thought it was funny that she had sent them and I was outraged. I explained to him what she was doing and that this is how affairs happen. He needed to grow up and understand how disrespectful this was to me and our marriage. He told me I was insane and that he couldn’t believe I had turned into a jealous crazy person.

No matter what I said or did, he couldn’t see my point. I felt like I was losing my mind. I knew he loved me and I really didn’t believe he would ever cheat on me but I couldn’t handle what was going on.

He told me I was acting insecure and that he couldn't believe I didn't trust him. I decided to take actions into my own hands.   I crafted a very simple email to her and it went like this:

Dear X,

I am so happy that you have decided to reconnect with my husband. You guys share quite a history. Why don’t we make plans for the four of us to get together and go for dinner.

It would be a great opportunity for us all to get to know each other better and an opportunity for me to see your boobs in clothes rather than in a photograph naked on your bed.

Does your husband know that you are sending “nudies” of yourself  to a married man?

As I have told my husband on countless occasions, I am totally fine with your relationship as long as your husband is as well. Let me know what night works for you.

Cheers!