Parental Alienation

I was well aware of the high-octane drama my ex would bring to almost any situation. “Calm” she was not. Part of the original allure was the sensationalized alarm she would transport to even the most mundane experiences. I found it charming to watch her fight for her rights – even when I didn’t think it was warranted. As a quiet and reserved person, I was attracted and in awe of her outlandish personality.

But over the years, the appeal waned. I couldn’t anticipate or quiet even the basic anxiety a simple task would cause. I began to hate the very character that brought us together. And after years of therapy, I finally decided I couldn’t take the lifestyle anymore and asked for a divorce.

I braced myself for the turbulence of her outbreaks.

I tried to circumvent the episodes by providing her with a generous settlement. I met her every need - and then some, making certain she would never be concerned about money or have to work. I knew my freedom had a price and I was willing to pay for it. But true to her character it wasn’t enough and she continued to explode.

Even though I knew the devil I was dealing with, I still thought of her as a kind and caring person - An especially attentive mother to our two boys and a woman who would put her children first.

Turned out I was wrong.

She was angry with my decision and spun her anxiety into revenge by bringing our children into the mess.

She filled their heads with lies and misconceptions, telling them I left her without money, for another woman, without warning… she made them believe I didn’t care for her or want the kids. The list of lies went on…

I tried to stay the course. I didn’t want to throw back any punches. I wanted my kids to think only virtuous things of their mother. I wanted them to feel safe and happy in both homes. I hoped my calm approach would soothe their messed heads and that my actions would propel them to believe the real truth.

A year later, I found my own happiness with another woman who welcomed my children into our new life. My ex felt threatened and used her pain to further the lies – implanting outrageous stories about me into their minds.

When she found her own partner I expected the madness to subside - but it never did. As the kids got older, she started to poison them with her own insecurities – tormenting them with thoughts of abandonment and financial worries.

My relationship with my boys has become strained. They seem confused and offside when they see me and ask me strange questions about my finances. When I answer they have glazed looks in their eyes - almost like they don’t believe me. I feel them growing more distant after each visit.

I’m not sure how to make this stop. I feel so torn and confused myself.

Martin, 48 Exacerbated